- contact me
- reading
- hobbies
- taste
- datadump
- randomthots
- letters
is thisszz even something?! idek... but: welcome i guess.
soo hey. i'm yana, 2026 march am 22 y/o. i made thiszzz lil bitch to casually and weirdly express myself. byee!
this use very basic html and css This isn't a portfolio or anything formal. This is my blog i guess, my space to share thoughts, sketches, music that I like, videos of any kind, and whatever else I feel like. literally pigeonszz speaking spanishh kinda stuff. I've got my own weird way of speaking and sign language here, so if something doesn't make sense, that's on me. I'll be updating the site accordingly whenever I feel like it, I'll try work on js and add links buttons and whatever...so some days there might be new stuff, and some days it might stay the same. space to experiment ig, and share freely. i still have no clue tho.
Letters
section dedicated to.. (you'll know)
thought this section was a dumb idea. still do, kinda. like why would i publicly do this. but then again… that's the whole point, right. can't call it a “personal” (i'll do whaterszz tf i want). and btw... not in a “omg i'm gonna bleed my feelings out” way. relax. its more gonna be like journal thingy. it's more like… mentions. people i lowkey miss sometimes. people i'm not in touch with anymore. people i don't feel like entertaining now. not that deep. not that serious. i won't update this much either. it's just here.
25th march 2026:
this one is for aslisha ig idk broo i juss...
erm i might write this later.
contact me?!
get to me lore shitszz
you wanna contact ME bitch?! NOO you don't bc why...
anywayzs....
i made this site for the people who don't really know me… (funny) and probably won't.
didn't matter. i liked building it. (am dumb) javascript fries me anywayss.
putting myself out there feels weird.
same kinda itch as sharing socials.
soo!
YOUU! yes youu... why not lay down.
ear pressed against the pillow.
why not listen to your own body maybe talk to big trees and ignore
people, like how you gonna wanna ignore me.
bc nothing interesting really. i'm juss boring.
out of all, eventually you can really contact me by sending a letter with a dragon,
or embed it in the clouds so i could look up in the sky and scream.
i tell you what
EMAILS? i don't take emails bc i get alot
A PHONE? no phone i got. not joking!
you could send me letters straight up really... maybe write it and put it under the pillow or something or juss SHOUT really loud that it juss gets to me
and dude if you're that desperate anywayy am @yanaa.py (jack might still peek whatever) on instagram btw but am prolly not taking you. chaaaaa!!
Reading
Books, notes, thoughts
am not a reading guy really...
i pretend to read sometimes.
mostly to feel smart. sometimes it works.
genres i orbit around:
- sad people doing sad things
- hyper-sensory slow dives into nothing
- dystopias (still better than reality somehow)
- nonfiction i forget past 10 minutes or immediately
and yeah, memes. obviously.
i don't actually read that much.
just essays, random excerpts, obscure personal ass blogs. whatever i find.
sometimes it hits. briefly.
then it's gone (nothing stays wi me).
not putting everything here.
just references. fragments.
and later on i might juss use it to write my own things idek.
Books:
the only book i have read is ten little indians
taste
taste in media/content lol
music:
click the compact disk to play/pause lmao
i get connected to music in a way where it reminds me of fragrances.
and the feelings i used to feel.
i lowkey get delusional.
i get high...
“makes me wanna fuck somebody” high.
i teleport to spaces.
even songs in languages i don't speak hit me.
i get aggressive...
“wanna beat the shit outta somebody” aggressive.
genre? undefined.
world fusion. (emotional khichdi.)sometimes hiphop sometimes r&b
sometimes angry. sometimes floaty.
chopper rap...
songs in languages i don't speak hit harder for some reason.
oud instrumentals? yes, please.
if it's mainstream, i probably hate it already, not everything but most of it.
no shade. (okay, maybe a little.)
basically what i wanna imply is my taste is versatile,toh mere laude pe gerne.
and i still spiral into the nostalgia of—
“you make colours outta grey” ikigai.
one of hussain's lofi mix collection and i travel back to 2020.
(hussain was a friend btw.)
some music:
or juss ctrl+r if it doesn't work
| sahar al layali | |
| revenge | |
| good loyal thots | |
| taza khabar |
might add my playlist or some other links probably
Datadump
dumb section bc lowky dedicated for juss a lil peek i guess.sometimes no plot pictures o randomszz basically
i'll try keep updating the site bye...
Random Thoughts
sorry nothing here *longface*
prolly gonna update this later *crieszzz*Hobbies
what i like basically
it's not much. i draw sometimes. i write things i don't finish. mostly i just think about doing things… and stop there. (if i commit, i lose interest. if i'm interested, i get bored. cycle repeats. very productive.) staring into space like it pays me. collecting unfinished projects like trophies. learning random things just to forget them in 48 hrs. researching deep stuff with zero conclusions. short-term obsessions. fake writing sessions (opening the doc counts). movies, depending on the mood. endless “what ifs” running in the background. that's it. i like dancing. i don't like effort. krump needs effort. do the math. (ok i started liking graffiti)
mamimi
watching her own life istead of living it,
barely process emotions, juss attaches, drifts, replaces, repeat...
As of now, what I've made is just to practice my hobby. Nothing special or concrete. It's, to some degree, a personal little thing. But letting it rot on my computer started to piss me off. I realized I never really give myself exposure. I've never explored beyond average or mediocre. I never post my things online.
This shame I have, of not being perfect or “not cool” in my head, feeds on my confidence. Whether it's the messy art I make or just the things I like and saying them out loud.
I tried fitting in for a long time, and I still do. I have traits like that where I start doing things I don't even want to do, just to look cool or feel included.
I have people-pleasing tendencies, and they'll probably continue to exist. But it gets shady when that turns into thinking, if someone doesn't like me, there must be something fundamentally wrong with me. Like I'm undeserving, unlikable, less worthy.
For someone who hasn't been socially exposed much, validation at some point becomes important or crucial. I think I started yearning for approvals in the disguise of “rewards.” And yeah, I felt empty for a long time. It's so embedded now, it feels like it'll just co-exist with me as long as I'm here.
I hardly process my life events. I'm almost always in mental energy-saving mode.
For a long time, I've been lacking a sense of purpose. And honestly, I think it's a necessity for humans , after food and oxygen. Like most of you, I'm still figuring it out. Or maybe I won't. Either way, I just… never mind.
I've been dependent, like most humans. My sense of self got tied too tightly to how people responded to me or behaved towards me. And that sucks. It's still there. Not sometimes, all the time. It's such a fragile and absurd feeling, but also one of the strongest I've felt. I feel it in my throat, my mouth, my core. It probably doesn't make sense to you.
If you keep practicing pleasing people, at some point the lines blur so much that you don't even know who you used to be. That's where the identity crisis hits.
Identity crisis either sets you free or it messes you up mentally. and yea It messed me up. It pissed me off.
I am dumb, boring and negative actually!apologies if the site misbehaved. behn ki lodi site...